There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
