I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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