is your mom at the bar?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
