this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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