dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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