I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
