what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
