He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Holy sore nipples Batman
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
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