when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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