I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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