he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
