Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
