It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
