Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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