Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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