White coat. Heels.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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