I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
