I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
