I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
