What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
