Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
