dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
