...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You are the jesus of drinking
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
