ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize