My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
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