Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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