Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
