strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
