I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Did I show you my penis last night?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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