New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
