Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
