i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
