That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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