There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
