It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
