my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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