I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
the liver wants what the liver wants
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
