Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
