her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i think i have two assholes
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
