and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
