I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
