How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
