Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
