you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
