just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
