WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
