actually, I'm a sock model
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
this hospital has no fireball
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
