I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
