i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
