You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
