Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
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I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
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I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize