that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
