i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
