I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
