My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
