yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.