I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today