umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just google imaged poop.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.