what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
