I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
a bad idea.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder