drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You can't motorboat a personality
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
