last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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