that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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