i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
