Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
