i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
