My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
