she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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