Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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