Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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