I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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