So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
