Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
