I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
