I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
